Posted by: thewoobdog | November 29, 2012

Disturbance in the Space-Time Continuum

Okay, so when I ponder my holiday knitting (which I do a lot, turning my projects over and over in my head and examining them for feasibility and fun-factor and color and texture and style and difficulty – don’t judge me, it’s better than thinking about accounting all day long), it all seems perfectly doable and not overwhelming at all.  When I actually write out on paper everything I plan to knit and approximately how much time I think it will take (which I’m sure is grossly underestimated despite my efforts to be realistic), I am faced with some harsh realities: (1) I am, apparently, blissfully unaware of how many (or how few) weeks are left before Christmas.  (2) I somehow mentally lump myself in with all the uber-productive knitters I know who are retired, are stay-at-home moms/wives/caregivers, or who actually get paid to knit.  (3) I somehow fail to apply my organizational and mathematical skills, honed by decades of accounting, to my knitting hobby. 

Let’s break this down in a logical, orderly, accountant-worthy fashion:

  • 5 – the number of weeks until Christmas (rounded UP)
  • 4 – the number of hours per week I actually have available to devote to knitting
  • 8 – the number of projects that I haven’t even started yet which I have planned to complete by Christmas, not counting the test-knitting I’m doing for a book (somebody else’s book, not my book) that has a deadline of roughly, oh, December 26. 
  • 3 – the number of completed projects I still have to finish and block
  • 573 – the number of ends I have to weave in on the second of a pair of two-cabled mitts (intarsia, how I loathe thee). (Okay, okay, it’s actually only about 30 ends, but that’s still insane for something so small. Thank goodness I’ve already woven in the ends on its mate.) 
  • 36 – my estimation of how many hours of knitting I will need to do to finish everything I have planned (and this is after ruthlessly eliminating many projects considered earlier in my holiday knitting delusion-fest) is about 36 hours (this does not even include the time I need for the test-knitting project – I figure I can work on it Christmas day and the day after, and I am just praying the pattern is well-written and I don’t find tons of errors, thus alerting the designer that I have, in fact, procrastinated on this project until the last possible moment). 
  • 20 – the number of hours I may actually have during which to knit between now and Christmas (5 weeks x 4 hrs/wk = 20 hours). 

20 hours does not equal 36 hours.  20 hours does not come close to equalling 36 hours.  And did I mention that the 36 hour thing is probably grossly underestimated anyway?  I’m hoping and praying my boss will let me take my knitting to our continuing ed seminar next Friday – it’s something I’ve itched to do for the past couple of years but I’ve never actually gotten up the nerve to ask.  I always just take a project and knit during breaks, but given the time crunch I’m under I could really use those 8 hours.  If only I weren’t sitting right next to him for these things it wouldn’t be so awkward – I could sneak in, sit in the back, and knit happily away next to all the people playing Tetris and Angry Birds on their phones (but I’d actually be listening to the lecture!).

At this point I think my only recourse is to start bribing fast knitters at my local yarn stores…

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