Posted by: thewoobdog | September 16, 2008

Not a Threat, But a Promise

That was the title of the email the cleaning lady sent me yesterday.  Ominous, no?  Here is the body of the message:


Pay me or I’ll take all the toilet paper.  Then I’ll hide all the coffee but the decaf, which will be spiked with Ex-lax.  You think morale is bad now?  Try dealing with jittery, pooping employees. 


Then I’ll spread the word about your weird obsession with Hugh Hefner.  Don’t make me do it. 


I laughed and laughed… and then realized I really hadn’t paid her… Oops.  I immediately wrote back:


!!!!!  I swear, I haven’t seen a bill!  Promise, promise!  How much do I owe you?  I just looked through my unpaid bills folder and everything!  How much, how much?  I swear I’ll have it on the door right away!  Just don’t do anything crazy….


Our cleaning lady (office, obviously – I don’t have a cleaning lady at home, more’s the pity) is a treasure – check out the rest of the ‘conversation’:


Cleaning Lady: Ha!  A likely story.  I’ll delay any action for now, but only because I like your sister-in-law… most days.  Good thing for you today is a “good” [sister-in-law’s name removed] day.  [She works (her regular job – cleaning is a side thing on nights/weekends) for the same company my SIL does]

I’ve forgotten the exact amount because there was a receipt attached, but I can email a copy of the invoice to you once I get home.  Assuming I saved it, that is…


Me: Oh, do, do…  *grovels*  I beg humblest pardon…  In fact, I’ll write out a check for the ‘norm’ right now and then when I get the amount for the reimbursement I’ll do a second one, just to make sure I get it to you!


Cleaning Lady: I have you where I want you – in the dirt, groveling with the slugs and amoebae. MUAHAhahahaha!  Wait . . . do amoebae grovel?  


Me: *hangs head*  I just found the bill.  Ooops.  I went digging everywhere it shouldn’t be (since last time I looked in the places it should be), and it was in my inbox on my desk (which means I got it out of my inbox at the office and I didn’t record it and put it in my unpaid bills file and it ended up with all the other ‘pending’ stuff I haven’t gotten around to yet…).  At first it threw me because the date was 4/1/08 (*shifty eyes* – see? not entirely my fault… *looks down at feet, shuffles*), but all the cleaning dates are August, so this must be it!  I’ll pay it RIGHT AWAY.

*pleading puppy dog eyes*  Can you ever forgive me?  Don’t hurt me… for Woobie’s sake, if not my own…


Cleaning Lady: I’ll forgive you, not only for Woobie’s sake but because funny, literate people are sadly few and far between.  And you grovel really well.


Isn’t she the best?  I tell you, that just made my whole day.  (and yes, I wrote her a check – right away!)  I love working with/dealing with people who don’t take life (or themselves) too seriously. (and just for the record – that Hugh Hefner thing was a joke… no, seriously, I do not have a Hugh Hefner obsession… Look, just let it go, ok?  She made it up!)

Formatting Note: Trying to get the formatting to carry forward on this blog is driving me nuts (darn you, WordPress!), so just overlook the random inconsistencies that were NOT present in the original but that won’t go away here…





  1. Fun people are cool. And fun.

    The Hef, huh? Oh, WoobDog.

  2. She made it up.

    It’s unsubstantiated rumor!

    SHE MADE IT UP!!!!!!!!!


  3. But it’s published right here on the internets, so it must be true.

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