Posted by: thewoobdog | September 12, 2008

Who Does This Even Happen To?

Seriously.  Who?  Name one other person. 

Ok, I’m sure there are other people it’s happened to, but none that I know. 

As we were leaving for work this morning, I looked over at our house (I usually do – it’s such a cute house!) and noticed some commotion around the edge of our yard.  I squinted through the grey drizzle that was our morning and with growing disbelief realized that there was a deer caught in our hammock.  A deer.  In our hammock.  WTH?

I stopped the car (in the middle of the road – brilliant, as always) and ran back to TBear (who was in his car, behind me, doubtless wondering what the heck I was doing) to tell him about the deer.  He, in turn, leaves his car idling (in the middle of the road) behind mine and jumps out to see if I’m serious (as if I could make that up…?!).  The deer had apparently gotten his antlers caught in the hammock, and had already torn the hammock free on one end but was still trapped like a fish on a line since he couldn’t extricate himself or tear the hammock off the other tree.  We considered trying to cut him free, but even a slow, cautious approach made him panic, and I was afraid he’d literally break his neck or leg with his frenzied jumping and leaping and spinning in the air (with his head attached to the hammock – it was impressive but frightening).  He was even leaping over the woodpile – it was frantic and crazy and awe-inspiring and kind of horrifying. 

[Ok, I know ‘woodpile’ and ‘deer’ conjure up some vision of either a backwoods redneck shack or an earth-nugget conclave (either of which would be not unexpected up here – we have all types), but we’re just normal yuppie-type people.  Ok, maybe not yuppies…  But…]

So, anyway, I called Animal Control to see if they could do something.  The guy is going to try to free the deer, but said he may have to ‘euthanise’ him if he can’t get him loose.  I think he was afraid this would cause me to have hysterics, but my thought was, if you can’t get close enough to free him, how are you going to ‘euthanise’ him?  So I said, “Are you going to euthanise him or shoot him?”  and the guy said, “Erm, um, well, I’ll have to shoot him…”

This saddened me, of course, but really, I don’t want the poor thing dying a slow, lingering death (especially if he has/does hurt himself, making it a slow, painful, lingering death) – I’d rather it be quick.  My problem is, the Animal Control guy can’t dispose of the body.

My ‘hunter-friend’ resources are not extensive.  As in, one lady I work with has a husband who hunts.  They don’t seem interested in coming and getting the deer.  One of my husband’s friends (a kung fu buddy) is the ultimate earth-nugget and would love to have a lovely deer carcass free for the taking, but he’s taking a group of underprivileged youth on a rafting trip at the moment (when I say ‘ultimate earth-nugget’ – the man, his wife, and his two young girls live in the middle of nowhere, completely off the grid, no electricity or running water or any modern conveniences, and they run a camp for troubled urban kids).

I haven’t heard back from Animal Control.  The guy was supposed to call me and let me know the outcome.  Maybe Bambi is free.  Maybe I didn’t single-handedly exterminate Rudolph with my hammock.

What if I did?

What if he’s still there when I get home…




  1. Who, indeed. I guess you were asking for it, having a hammock in deer country and all.

    Just kidding.

  2. *mental headslap* Yeah, really, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!


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